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{life is like a chocolate chip cookie…}

01.18.12

Every day is such a different, unpredictable adventure for me.  It seems that there is a weekly cycle where I wake up and just know it’s going to be ‘one of those days’.  Why is that?  Not only why do those days happen, but why once that thought has crossed my mind is it so hard to shake out of that mindset?  So much of life is a choice.  Growing up throws that reality in your face; and way too often for my liking ;)

 

It was a roller coaster of emotions, actions, and responses for me today.  One moment I was completely overwhelmed, snapping at people and the next I was excited about the task at hand, laughing, and being jovial.  Those days are always exhausting.  And honestly I annoy myself more than the day itself does.

I am kind of a perfectionist.  I would say that the area where my perfectionism comes out the most is in my personal habits, mindset, and lifestyle rather than in the actual works that I do.  I’m more bothered by being irritated or short in my tone and speech with someone than if my chocolate chip cookies turn out well.

Even though I am not a perfectionist in some ways that seem more ‘typical’ to a perfectionist, I struggle with the balance of performing well.  I want to have a personality that is warm and welcoming- at all times; not just when I am ready and prepared to be nice and to give of myself {who doesn’t though, right?}.  I want my home to be decorated as cute as it is in my head :)  The fact the my life is frantic, hard to schedule, constantly changing, and a million other things isn’t enough for me to just pause and take a good, true look at my life and think ‘Well, considering everything, I am doing really well.  My home is pretty clean {for a farm house}, we have meals on the table at least three times a day, a husband who is madly in love with me, and I have purpose and a hope for a future’.

Maybe I’m more impatient than I am a perfectionist.  It just isn’t enough that I’m still working on some of the same things I’ve been working on for the 3 plus years we’ve been married and here on this property.  Even as I type it out, I think, ‘Good grief girl!  Get a grip!  Life is a process, and you don’t get from point A to point B without traveling some miles and experiencing certain things’.  I’m still in process.  And I’m in process of learning to live in process.  It’s like us being in sustainable farming.  One definition of sustainable is the capacity to endure or long-term maintenance of responsibility.  I stand by, promote, and proudly share about our farm being one that can sustain.  I realized while making chocolate chip cookies today, that the same mindset could and should be put to my personal life as well.  The capacity to endure and to accept that it will be a long-term process of maintenance.

The recipe I use for the chocolate chip cookies I make is the recipe that Bradd The Rad Dad {aka: BRD, Tyler’s Dad} has mastered and gladly shared with his daughter-in-law.  Though I have been making these cookies for three years, I still end up with some burnt, some too mushy and falling through the cooling rack, some too big, some too small, and some that are simply perfect.  BRD’s chocolate chippers are the image of perfection.  Every time he walks in the door with a bag of his chocolate chippers it literally takes my breath away and makes my heart skip beat.  Honestly.

Making chocolate chip cookies, like any meal, requires forethought, effort, resources, patience, time, flexibility, love and care.  Today as I pulled my first batch of cookies out of the oven and saw some too done and one fall through the cracks of the cooling rack, I found myself thinking, as the air left my sails, ‘Well, I knew today was going to be like this {that I couldn’t be perfect in my efforts} and I’ve been in a snappy mood to my husband and crew {not being perfect in my personal goals and habits} and I spent all this time on making these cookies for everyone and they turned out horrible!’  I wanted to just give up.  I wanted to choose to remain in a bad mood, requiring Tyler to come in and make me feel better by giving me his full attention, giving to me of his efforts, and to hug away my bad day.

What would that accomplish?  How would that be sustainable?

Life is a choice.  And when you pull that sheet of cookies out of the oven and they didn’t turn out as you expected, you have the opportunity to let it run off your back like water and to think positively about not only those cookies, but every step that led up to them that you did in the day.  That is exactly what I’m trying to work on each day- that mindset of choosing to be positive and to think of myself as wonderfully as the Lord sees me and has made me.

I’m not saying that positive thought is magic and can do the miraculous, but I pulled the rest of the cookies out of the oven once the timer buzzed, and they were pretty darn perfect.  And the boys all said they were the best cookies they had ever tasted and just hit the spot after a long cold day.  And they were talking about all of the cookies, including the ones that I didn’t think were perfect or even worth eating.

 

 

 

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. 01.18.12 7:42 PM

    Hey Alicia,
    I always feel sheepish about commenting on blogs of people I kind of know but not really ,but I realized I used to love it when people commented on my blog (may it rest in peace) so I should go ahead and do it. :)
    I really enjoyed this post. It’s exactly the sort of thing I’ve been processing mentally just this week. I’m quite similar on several counts. The part about wanting to give up and make the husband come cheer you up particularly hit home. :) So thanks for the encouragement. And my we both learn to accept God’s grace and choose joy more each day!

    • 01.21.12 10:05 AM

      Thanks for commenting Pam! I know exactly how you feel about thinking, ‘to comment or not to comment…?’ :) I appreciate you saying something and I am thrilled to hear that I’m not the only one who needs help in choosing joy and not putting that responsibility on loved ones around me :) Take care and I look forward to seeing you around town or at the farmers’ market.

  2. 01.25.12 4:30 AM

    I felt like you were talking about me in this post! I’m very similar in that I prefer perfection in ALL things, even thought I’m fully aware that it’s darn near impossible to find perfection in anything. “That is exactly what I’m trying to work on each day- that mindset of choosing to be positive and to think of myself as wonderfully as the Lord sees me and has made me.” I will also work on this each day! Thank you so much for being open and sharing…

    • 01.25.12 5:37 PM

      You are so welcome Becky! I love hearing that others can relate to what I am sharing. It always seems to make each moment a little less lonely when you know others are in the exact same place :) I’m sure being a Mom has it’s daily challenges of balancing being perfect and letting life happen in it’s beautiful ‘organic’ state :) Keep up the good work!

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