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{vulnerable rantings}


{we visited the Afton Waters in Scotland, the place our farm was named after}

Over the past few weeks, there has been something bubbling up from the depths of my being with the coming of the New Year, due primarily to all the excitement of new beginnings that each New Year brings.  It has been hard to pinpoint.  It’s been hard to define it or even describe.  As I thought more and more about it, however, I realized what the root of it is:

Growing up and becoming an adult is hard.

It sounds silly, I know, but that is the core of these thoughts and feelings that have just seemed to get stronger and stronger each day.

{goats along the hill above the Afton Waters}

Along with the strength of these thoughts and feelings I have also been thinking through what it is that I want this blog to be.  I apparently am not the only one that has been starting to think this through at the dawn of the New Year.  My friend, Kyrie over at aresohappy, and some of her blogging friends, have also been pondering and reevaluating the reason for blogging and what that individually and personally looks like for them.

For me, I started the blog for two reasons, 1) to share our life as owners of a farm through these city-girl eyes and 2) as a creative outlet for me to process it all.  Similar to others, I too have lost focus of what I am aiming to produce here.

With this drift in focus, I have felt unsettled, unfulfilled here, and my vision has gone askew.  Instead of vulnerably sharing the joys, struggles, fears, adventures, and mundane of how our farm has made me feel and what I’ve thought about, I have begun looking at others.  What others are sharing about, the style in which they share, what do the readers want, what topics, am I keeping their interest…?  I have begun to covet my neighbors’ blog/social network space!  And it has left me just as unsatisfied, lost, discontent, and neurotic as any other covetous act.

I guess I finally got to the point where I couldn’t take it any more and figured I should inform you of my blogging New Years’ resolution {yes, I know most people say that they don’t like resolutions, but I like them and think it is just as healthy to readjust one’s mindset and actions each year as it is to make personal goals :) }  I’m not going to resolve to blog more, put more photos up, or write comments on others’ spaces.  I resolve to be vulnerable.


I’m not going to have a gush-sesh where I spill my heart and innermost thoughts during every post, but I hope to do it frequently.  When I do post my real, vulnerable thoughts about my farm-life, it will be once a week- Wednesdays to be exact ;)  With it being the same day each week, you can either wait with great angst for the next ‘true confessions chapter’ or avoid it like the plague and read the other posts about the animals, recipes, and articles.

Being this is getting slightly long, I’ll go into depth next week about how it has been truly challenging for me to be a farmer’s wife and live this type of farming life when I came from a different background- and not just that I group up in the city- and how this all relates to me not wanting to grow up ;)

19 Comments leave one →
  1. 01.04.12 8:41 PM

    I agree as bloggers we all go through the why. I blog as it is a release and vent. I am not about the hundreds of followers, but the core group I have and who seem to appreciate my sense of humor. Looking forward to reading about your adventures in 2012.

    • 01.04.12 9:12 PM

      Thanks for following along! I glanced over on your page and your humor is funny- I actually laughed out loud of the photo of you as a baby with your hand in ‘the bitch slap raise’ :) I am sorry for the loss of your dad. May 2012 be merry and bright as you remember and honor him in your wine, cooking, and everyday sweet moments.

  2. Cynthia permalink
    01.04.12 8:59 PM

    Well said, kiddo. You’re so right about the growing up part…it isn’t easy, but if done with that vulnerability you’re hoping to share, it can, and will, be very fulfilling. So proud of your new quest!

    • 01.04.12 9:07 PM

      Thanks Aunt Cynthia! I feel better already just coming to that realization and getting it off my chest ;) It was great seeing you during Christmas. I hope we can see each other more this year :)

  3. Heather permalink
    01.05.12 5:05 AM

    Truth is beautiful and candid thoughts are worth so much more than “canned” thoughts. I’ll keep reading and praying for you as prompted by the Spirit.
    Blessings in the new year.

    • 01.05.12 7:45 PM

      Thank you so much Heather. I appreciate your kind words, thoughts, and prayers whenever you are so prompted :) Blessings to you as well!

  4. Roberta Donaldson permalink
    01.05.12 9:43 AM

    You’re so right growing up is hard.
    It is with great pride and love I have watched you grow over these last 27 years into the woman you are. It’s a huge honor to watch your continuing journey and to be a part of it.
    I love you my dear daughter.

  5. 01.05.12 11:36 AM

    I’ll be looking for your Wednesday blogs. I’m also a farmer’s wife and it has been difficult adjusting to this lifestyle…especially since I had my bags packed ready to move to Paris when I met my husband. Growing up is hard to do and we’ve done our fair share of it these past few years on our farm.

    It’s nice to read your blog as your farm is so similar to ours in New Hampshire. My husband spent time at Salatin’s farm for an intensive three day workshop and the rest is history! Keep up the good work and I hope you’ll check out our farm at

    • 01.05.12 7:48 PM

      Caitlin, I’m so glad you will not only be reading along but also really understanding what I’m going through, talking about, thinking through, and adjusting too. Farming is hard work and a rewarding life for everyone. Those that marry into, with their bags and mind’s packed, to another destination may have a bit more rocky adjustment :) I’ll definitely be checking into your life on your farm as well- thanks for sharing! Happy farming! :)

    • 01.15.12 4:53 AM

      Thanks for writing back!!

  6. 01.05.12 6:40 PM

    I look forward to more of this.

    I love it.

  7. 01.06.12 2:22 PM

    I am excited to read these! Love you and your honest, miss stix.

  8. ella permalink
    01.06.12 3:24 PM

    i think this is great news! i look forward to reading and i hope that the process of writing is revelatory for you–i love you!

    • 01.07.12 12:55 PM

      Thanks sister! :) I love you too and I am looking forward to the development it brings in me and what it brings out of me as well. Love you too!

  9. 01.07.12 12:54 PM

    Love it! Happy 2012 :)

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